settling in is not so settling

We have been in South Hamilton, Massachusetts for over two months now.

I am no longer a Tennessean. This isn’t a vacation. I live here. I am a…Massachusettsian…

That couldn’t be right.

Anyway, we’ve lived here for a while now. And Marshall is settled into his routine. He goes to class four days a week, works a few days a week, and spends the rest of his time reading. Oh, and he got an A+ on his first midterm, which was in GreekSo I’d say he’s pretty settled.

I, on the other hand, am feeling less settled than I was when we first got here. I was really excited about this week. I was finally starting 20 hours a week of nannying, I had my 15 or so hours of editing to do, I had Nfocus articles to work on, and I had other writing opportunities in the works.

Well. Things aren’t as settled as I thought they would be. In case you didn’t know this, everyone else’s top priority is not always you and your needs. The world isn’t working, as I hoped it would, to make sure everything goes smoothly for me in this job transition.

So here I am, nannying, working on my Nfocus articles, and waiting to hear back from people. My 40 hour week didn’t quite go as planned, and I am allowed at least one more week to slide by without needing to be disciplined.

Marshall pointed out an important fact to me the other day. I lack work ethic. After I slapped him, he explained to me that what he meant was that I lack personal work ethic. When I have a boss, I get my job done, and I get my job done well. I outperform, I go beyond expectations, I silently compete with everyone around me to get the job done better. But left to my own devices, I struggle to motivate myself. This may be why I have never been good at the whole “job search” thing, because I don’t have anyone to impress while I’m unemployed.

Once I have people to report to, projects to complete, deadlines, expectations, I will be fine. But in the meantime, I’m working on my personal work ethic. I’m trying to write regularly, I’m trying to sit down for a certain amount of hours every day and “work,” whatever that looks like. How’s that working for me? Well, not as quite well as I had planned. But I’m going to keep at it. Because I’m a big girl now, and big girls don’t quit.


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4 thoughts on “settling in is not so settling

  1. I understand the frustration of the job search, but you will settle into a routine! 3 months is not a very long time (though it can seem that way). Take it slow as you have so many talents to share 😉

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