thoughts on evil

woods

There is evil in this world. In fact, it rules the world, runs our lives, breathes through all of us and suffocates the potential for happiness that we strive for every day. Sometimes it lies dormant, as if napping until its next job, and we are allowed to see beyond it to beauty, to truth. But then, once it wakes, it clouds over us, raining down fear and suffering and debauchery and anything else it can think to throw in our way, to keep us from being who we were truly meant to be.

Evil is a great hindrance to the lives of us all, keeping us gagged and bound and incapable as ragdolls, leaving us wasted and weary and no longer searching for hope when it grabs ahold of us too tightly.

Evil is like a blindfold pulled tightly, violently over our eyes so that we cannot see the Sun, do not see the way we should go, know not which way is up. We wallow in it, wading through the muck, barely able to pick up our feet one by one as we fight to the finish, a finish we often feel isn’t even there.

Evil is our enemy, we battle with it from the time our eyes open in the morning until we lay our heads down at night, exhausted. It keeps us on the treadmill, always going and never going anywhere, busy as bees but useless as garbage.

We are stunned by it, whether it manifests itself in us or through others, on the news, on the street, in our homes. It surrounds us, wanting always to devour us, not gently, but violently, without mercy or care for who we are, for who we could be if we only could escape these chains, this prison cell, this loneliness we call pain, loss, anger, sorrow, cruelty, evil.

Evil, you are our greatest enemy. You will not defeat us.

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settling in is not so settling

We have been in South Hamilton, Massachusetts for over two months now.

I am no longer a Tennessean. This isn’t a vacation. I live here. I am a…Massachusettsian…

That couldn’t be right.

Anyway, we’ve lived here for a while now. And Marshall is settled into his routine. He goes to class four days a week, works a few days a week, and spends the rest of his time reading. Oh, and he got an A+ on his first midterm, which was in GreekSo I’d say he’s pretty settled.

I, on the other hand, am feeling less settled than I was when we first got here. I was really excited about this week. I was finally starting 20 hours a week of nannying, I had my 15 or so hours of editing to do, I had Nfocus articles to work on, and I had other writing opportunities in the works.

Well. Things aren’t as settled as I thought they would be. In case you didn’t know this, everyone else’s top priority is not always you and your needs. The world isn’t working, as I hoped it would, to make sure everything goes smoothly for me in this job transition.

So here I am, nannying, working on my Nfocus articles, and waiting to hear back from people. My 40 hour week didn’t quite go as planned, and I am allowed at least one more week to slide by without needing to be disciplined.

Marshall pointed out an important fact to me the other day. I lack work ethic. After I slapped him, he explained to me that what he meant was that I lack personal work ethic. When I have a boss, I get my job done, and I get my job done well. I outperform, I go beyond expectations, I silently compete with everyone around me to get the job done better. But left to my own devices, I struggle to motivate myself. This may be why I have never been good at the whole “job search” thing, because I don’t have anyone to impress while I’m unemployed.

Once I have people to report to, projects to complete, deadlines, expectations, I will be fine. But in the meantime, I’m working on my personal work ethic. I’m trying to write regularly, I’m trying to sit down for a certain amount of hours every day and “work,” whatever that looks like. How’s that working for me? Well, not as quite well as I had planned. But I’m going to keep at it. Because I’m a big girl now, and big girls don’t quit.

-me

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on the road again

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Two hours from Charlottesville, VA, the ole stomping grounds!
Visited our friends Emily and Hudson in Columbia, SC last night. And their adorable son Jack!

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Eating at one of my favorite C’ville restaurants, Zocalo, tonight…can’t wait. I plan on eating eight or nine meals tomorrow to get all of my favorite restaurants in.
Hope y’all are having a happy Friday. Just wanted to say hi from the road!
me

get ready, ’cause here i come (to boston, that is.)

Well, friends, the time has come to reveal our news, and I am so excited to finally be able to tell you.

We are moving to Boston!

not nearly as many people knew my name as i had expected…

Well, technically we are moving to Hamilton, a town about 45 minutes outside of Boston. But basically, we’re moving to Boston. In three weeks!

It has seemed so far away for so long, and it finally feels close. Very close.

Why, you ask? Why on earth would we ever leave Nashville?

Well, Marshall has been admitted to Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary, and he starts school in September! He gets mad at me when I say this but I like to tell people he’s gonna be a preacher. Not sure I’m ready to admit what that will mean for me, but I like to think of him standing up on the pulpit speaking the truth. He’s really, really good at it. Like, scary good.

So we’re headed up to get settled and find ourselves some income before the school year begins. We are living on campus, which is great because we will have a built-in community when we arrive, and we don’t have to look for housing in an area with which we are not yet familiar. But it’s also not so great because we have to leave our beloved pets behind for a year. I can’t tell you how sad that makes me.

wesley, i want you to think this through for a second.

Fortunately, a friend of Marshall’s is taking Ayda, and my parents (God willing) are taking Itty, unless we find someone else able to keep him for a year. Takers??

Aside from the pets, and the fact that we are leaving our families and many lifelong friends, we are excited and ready for this next step of our life. Newlywed adventure! Almost everyone we have talked to, including our parents, has said that this will be great for our marriage. We are doing something completely on our own, as a team, and I think it’s going to be pretty fun.

Not to mention, people just won’t stop telling us how awesome Boston is. You might even say it’s wicked awesome. I always thought of Boston as a less cool New York (anyone?), and it wasn’t until we decided to move there that people came out of the woodworks to sing its praises. Pleasant surprise.

So yeah, that’s what’s going on with us these days. And oh you know, just all of the silly little details involved in packing up an entire house to move it to a new city and finding one full-time job and one part-time job in order to support ourselves in a city entirely new to both of us. Just all of that.

Much, much more to come.

-me